I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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