The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
