whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i would punch a child for taco bell
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
