Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
