I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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