My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
