Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
