Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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