Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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