I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
