no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
