id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
