You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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