Non-Jews are for practice
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
