ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
