Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
