I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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