I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
