I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
