we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
