alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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