Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
