he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
