she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
