we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You ruined the universe
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
