dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
