put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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