You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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