WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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