Don't you send me to vm
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
