people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
