butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think my vagina is haunted
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
