One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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