im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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