Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
