I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
