tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
