Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
