i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
