apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
