I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
