you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
