Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
