We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
