You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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