so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
