new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think my fart just growled at me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
