Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
