Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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