had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
