how can u be prego again
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
