If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
